Broken Promises
by spy41
Summary: Post-Telling. Vaughn goes missing instead of Sydney. How will she deal with the greatest loss of her life?
1. Default Chapter

Broken Promises  
  
"She believed, just as he did."  
  
Chapter 1  
  
Sydney held the urn containing the remains of Michael Vaughn. She held it tight as the ocean wind blew by her. It was a gloomy day, it was a dark gloomy day. Three days ago, Sydney went over to Vaughn's house so they could leave for Santa Barbara, which would never happen, she found his house ablaze, smoke billowing out of the windows and roof. She just stood there, unable to move, just watcing as the house of her boyfriend burnied to the ground. The firemen worked around her, the mist of the cool water coming into contact with her face. She couldn't move, she was parellized. The only thing that came out of her mouth was his name, in slolw silent whisper, she said his name.  
  
"Vaughn..."  
  
She didn't need anyone to tell her about the status of her byfriend, she already knew, and her heart jumped up to her throat at the realization the he was gone. Never would they laugh, never would they talk, never would see eachother again. Memories were the only thing left she had of him, just the memories. But what good were memories, if you don't have someone to remember them with? They talked about death one day, a few months back, she didn't know what made her confess her wishes, but perhapes it was the day he had lost one of his close friends.  
  
-Flashback-  
  
Sydney and Vaughn were sitting on the couch watching the Kings game. Half- Time came and Vaughn got up to get something to drink.  
  
"Hey, so are we taking friday off?" Sydney asked as she looked over the back of the couch at Vaughn, who was in the kitchen. He grabbed a beer out of the fridge.  
  
"Yeah, sure." He said. She smiled but sensed there was something he wasn't telling her.  
  
"Vaughn? What's wrong?" She asked. He looked at her as he stood at the kitchen counter.  
  
"Nothing? Why?" He asked. She studied him intently.  
  
"You've been acting weird since we got to work this morning. What's bothering you?" Sydney asked. Vaughn gave her a smile.  
  
"It's nothin', you don't have to worry about it." He said. He walked over to the couch and sat down. He held the bottle out to her.  
  
"No, i don't want any." She said. He set the bottle down on the coffee table and started watching the half-time show. Sydney tried to listen to what the man was saying, but Vaughn's mood was haunting her. She took the remote from the table and turned off the tv. She set the remote behind her and turned to Vaughn, he looked at her.  
  
"Syd, we're missing the show." He said. She just looked at him.  
  
"Are you mad at me?" She asked. Vaughn looked at her.  
  
"Mad at you for what?" Vaughn asked.  
  
"For whatever i did, you always tell me what's wrong, why aren't you now? Did i do something? Becasue if i did i'm sorry." She said. Vaughn turned his body toward her so he was completely facing her.  
  
"Sydney, you didn't do anything wrong." He said. 'Uh oh' she thought, 'there are the worry wrinkles.' He took her hand.  
  
"Why would you think i was mad at you?" He asked.  
  
"Because, there's oviously something bothering you, and you won't tell me." She said.  
  
"It's not that important, it's not something you have to worry about." He said.  
  
"But you not telling me is making me even more worried, it's driving me insane not knowing what is bothering you." She said. He sighed and looked at the bottle of beer.  
  
"Craig died." He said. She didn't expect that kind of change in the conversation.  
  
"What?" She asked. He looked up at her.  
  
"You know my buddy from the FBI? You met him, the tall..."  
  
"I remember who he is." She said. He nodded.  
  
"He was in a car accident over the weekend, he died yesterday of complications." Vaughn said. Sydney now felt bad for pressuring him to talk.  
  
"Vaughn..." She said.  
  
"The funeral's on friday, his brother invited me." Vaughn said. Sydney turned her body so she was facing forward, she played with her hands. Vaughn moved closer to her.  
  
"Syd, please don't start beating yourself up, you didn't know." He said.  
  
"But i should have, i didn't know it was something like that, i'm sorry." She said. He brushed a peice of hair back behind her ear. He kissed the side of her head.  
  
"Don't be, Syd. You were only trying to help, and you know, you did. I shouldn't be keeping something like that in." He said. She kept looking at her hands. He turned her chin so she looked at him.  
  
"I love you." He said softly. That was the first time either of them had uttered the words. A single tear rolled down Sydney's cheek. Vaughn brushed it away.  
  
"Come on." He said standing up. He grabbed her hand and pulled her up.  
  
"It's been a long day. Let's go to bed." He said.  
  
-End Flashback-  
  
That moment was the single best moment of her life, not finding out his friend passed away, but hearing him say those words. And when they were lying in bed Sydney had said, just out of the blue, that she wanted to be creamated. She felt Vaughn tense up a little but then he also agreed. If something ever happened he'd wanted to be creamated too, his remains spread at sea to be free, free from the life he has lived, and the lies he has been told, and they both agreed, that would never happen soon. They'd die together, old and wrinklie. It actually made her laugh, he had joked and said by the time he died his forehead wrinkles would be perminent. She laughed and just smacked him. They promised eachother they would live for one another, and now the promise was broken, he was gone. She'd never get to see him with those perminatne forehead wrinkles, they'd never get married, they'd never have kids, they'd never buy a house in france, like he'd promised after they quit the CIA. All that was left were broken promises and memories. He was taken away too soon. She believed in fate, and that she, like him, was put on this earth for a purpose, but his job wasn't done. They hadn't even started their lives, how could he be taken away so soon? Maybe it was just the curse that she seemed to hold, she started to feel like whatever higher power there was didn't like her, didn't want her to be happy, and wanted her to suffer. Well, it worked, becasue the next two years were going to be he for her. But she thought it was going to be the rest of her life. She was wrong. One day her Angel would come back, one day they'd see eachother again, one day everything would fall into place, and one day those promises he made wouldn't be broken anymore. Because she still had her guardian angel, no matter where she is, that is something that no one can ever change. Because she believed, just as he did. 


	2. Peace? What of it?

[Part II]  
  
Peace? What of it?  
  
"What sticks to memory, often, are those little fragments that have no beginning and no end." -Tim O'Brien  
  
-May 23rd 2003-  
  
The priest had said a prayer for Vaughn, then they all watched as Sydney slowly walked toward the salty Pacific. She stood there for a moment, watching as the waves rolled through the water, everyone watched her. All except Marshall, he couldn't, he was emotional, he cried, he wasn't a coward when it came to death, he was to frigetned, but i guess that's what happens when your friends die becasue of a damned job. Sydney looked up at the gray clouds.  
  
"I know you're somewhere up there, i know you're watching over me, over all of us. I miss you so much." She said. She started gettig teary.  
  
"I know this wasn't an accident, i'm going to find out who did this to you, to us. They'll pay, if it takes me the rest of my life Vaughn, i swear to you...they'll pay." She said. She slowly opened the top of the urn.  
  
"I love you, Michael, be in peace." She said. With a forward motion she sprinkled the ashes into the murky blue water. They mixed in with the salty liquid and floated away to sea. Sydney stood there for a moment. She walked up the beach and stood at Weiss's car. The rest of the men departed, heading off seperate ways. Weiss walked up to Sydeny. They just looked at eachother. Both seeing the hurt in eachother's faces. Sydney threw her arms around Weiss and he held her.  
  
"I miss him, Eric." She cried.  
  
"I know." Eric said with tears in his eyes.  
  
"I miss him too." He said. He pulled away.  
  
"But he wouldn't want us to cry. He'd want us to move on with the world." Weiss said.  
  
"He was my world, he is my world." Sydney said.  
  
"As despraete as it sounds. He's the only real thing i've ever had in my life." She said. Weiss hugged her again.  
  
"We'll get through this, we'll get through it together." He said. She sobbed into the shoulder of his black suit. She now knew what it was like to be in the position of Craig's wife, standing alone in this gosh awful world with no one to face it with, no one to hold, no one to stand by. She and Vaughn had watched as his wife broke down in front of his family and friends. That day changed her, she looked over at Vaughn and knew she was blessed to have him. She would never let go. Letting go meant breaking their promise, and breaking their promise would lead to nothing good.  
  
-Flashback-  
  
Vaughn slowly woke up and looked at the clock. It was 9:30 and the service for Craig began at 11:00. Vaughn looked to his left to see Sydney still sleeping, the covers pulled around her and her head craddled in the soft pillows. He leaned over and planted kiss on her forehead. He slowly sat up and placed his feet on the cool carpet. He streched his arms out above his head and stood up. He walked to the bathroom and took a quick shower, after brushing his teeth and washing his face he walked out into the bedroom clad in a towel. Sydney was still sleeping peacefully. He smiled. He always loved to watch her sleep, everything about her was angelic. He went to her closet and opened the doors. She had let him keep a few extra suits in her closet so they wouldn't get all wrinklie in his drawer. He took out his black suit and set it on the end of the bed, he put on his pants and went into his drawer and took out a white dress shirt. He slipped it on and walked into the bathroom and started buttoning it. He cleaned up his clothes and walked back into the bedroom. He was surpirsed to see Sydney watching him from where she laid.  
  
"Morning." She said. He looked at her while he buttoned the last of the buttons. He smiled.  
  
"Morning, beautiful." He said. She smiled.  
  
"You're up already?" She asked.  
  
"Yeah, i have to leave by 10:15." Vaughn said. Sydney looked at the clock. It was only 9:55. Sydney sat up in bed and rubbed her eyes. Vaughn looked at her and smiled. He walked over to her and leaned down over the bed. He kissed her softly.  
  
"Why don't you sleep some more, no work today." He said. He sat down on the edge of the bed and slipped on his black socks.  
  
"Vaughn?" She asked.  
  
"Yeah." he said.  
  
"Do want me to come with you?" She asked.  
  
"I'll be okay." He said.  
  
"Oh, okay." She said. She was silent. He put both feet on the floor and turned to her.  
  
"Do you want to come with?" He asked. She looked at him.  
  
"I don't know, i just thought maybe...maybe you woulnd't want to go alone." Sydney said.  
  
"If you want to come you can, i just...i didn't think you'd want to, i know you don't like funerals." He said.  
  
"Who does?" She asked.  
  
"True." He said.  
  
"Better get ready then, we have to leave in 20 minutes." He said. She nodded. She scooted off the bed and walked into the bathroom. She closed the door slightly and jumped into the shower. 20 minutes later they were headed out the door.  
  
-End Flashback-  
  
It amazed her really, the way he loved her. The things he did, the things he said, and the things he didn't say. She knew for awhile that he was in love with her, maybe it was in Tapei, or when he was sick, she didn't really know. But one thing she knew for sure, that man adored her, he loved her with everything he had, he loved her when they fought, he loved her when she was wrong, he loved her when she was stubborn, he loved her when she just woke up, no make-up, hair messed up and clad in his plaid pajama pants and his kings t-shirt. He loved her silly, he loved her mad, and he just plain loved her. What else was there to say?  
  
-Flashback-  
  
-Funeral-  
  
Vaughn parked the red land crusier and Sydney got out, as did Vaughn. She went around to his side and stood next to him.  
  
"Let's go." He said. He grabbed her hand and they walked through the grass toward the the chairs that were set up by the grave. Family and Friends stood around talking. Vaughn and Sydney stood there looking around.  
  
"Michael?" A woman's voice asked. Vaughn turned around as did sydney.  
  
"Melissa, hi." Vaughn said. A woman about their age stood before them, blonde hair, gray eyes, skinny. The eyes Sydney would never forget those eyes, they were so sad, so lost.  
  
"Hi, thank you for coming." She said.  
  
"I wanted to come." Vaughn said.  
  
"I'm so sorry." He said. Melissa nodded.  
  
"I already miss him, Craig was such a great man." Melissa said.  
  
"He was, he was a good friend." Vaughn said. They were silent for a moment.  
  
"I'm sorry, Melissa, this is Sydney Bristow, my girlfriend. Syd, this is Craig's wife Melissa." Vaughn said. Sydney shoke hands with the greeving woman, she had to give the woman credit, she hid it well.  
  
"It's nice to meet you, to bad it's not under better circumstances. I'm so sorry for your loss." Sydney said. Melissa smiled.  
  
"Thank you, Sydney." Melissa said.  
  
"If you'll excuse me." Melissa said.  
  
"Sure." Vaughn said  
  
"It was nice meeting you." Melissa said.  
  
"You too." Syd said. Melissa walked away. About 10 mintues later the service began, there were speeches and paryers. At the end everyone stood up and was ready to leave. Vaughn was talking to a group of friends from college, Sydney watched as Melissa stood at her husbands casket, her hand resting atop the wooden box. Her father came up and hugged her, the woman broke down, she cried her heart out, Sydney felt nothing but sympathy for her. She felt a slight squezze of her hand and she turned to see Vaughn watching her.  
  
"You okay?" He asked. She didn't notice he was done talking to his friends.  
  
"Can we go home?" She asked. He nodded.  
  
"Yeah, sure." He said. They walked towards the car and climbed in. The car ride was silent. Sydney just kept thinking. She never wanted to lose Vaughn, she never wanted to be alone, like Melissa now was, she was afriad, and she had a damn good reason to be.  
  
-End Flashback-  
  
After the funeral Sydney went away for a few weeks, to clear her head mostly. Everywhere she went she saw him, she saw them. It was starting to annoy her to some extent, not seeing him, but wondering what could have been. In July, after she had come back from "vacation", she had seen something, that both touched her, and angered her.  
  
-July 19th, 2003-  
  
Sydney walked into the crowded morning Starbucks downtown. She waited in line to her usual and when she finally did get it she decided it was nice enough to sit outside at the tables. She walked out into the sun that rose between the buildings. She didn't have to be at work until 9:00 so she had time. She took a seat on the green metal chair that sat on the gray pavement on the exterior of the building. She watched as people walked down the sidewalk, most of them off to another day of work. She liked watching people, wondering what they were thinking, where they were headed too. There was a man at the end of the corner, a man that served his country in 60's when Vietnam was being fought, a veteran, that because he didn't forget about the inncoent people that needed help in Vietnam, people forgot him. It was a sad really, he sat there almost everyday, sometimes he'd be on the other side of the street. He'd be out in the rain and in the sun, because he had no where else to go. He had a beat up cardboard sign he carried with him, reading, Will work for food. People didn't seem to notice him, his dual gray eyes staring at the black pavement of the street. And it makes you wonder if he's replaying the gorey images of lossing his friends in Nam, or killing a man for the first time. He had no one, just like her. And although she never spoke a word to him, she felt an eriee connection. Her eyes shifted to a man across the street, he was drinking coffee and reading the newspaper. By the way he kept glancing around he seemed nervous. He seemed to think someone was watching him, i guess he doesn't know much about the government. What scares him is mysterious. He's wearing a wedding ring and there's a list of things that makes him uneasy. Perhaps he has a mistress, or perhaps he is doing something illegal, or maybe he's just parranoid with the city surroundings, afraid of being mugged, afraid of people knowing he's there. Her eyes shift once again to a young woman, she's walking down the street in a waitress uniform, in each hand she holds her kids small hands. They look to be about 5 or 6. A boy and a girl. She doesn't look much over 21 and the way she walks says she is a single, working mother. There's confidence in her face, not saddness, why should there be? She has two angels to keep her company, that's all you need in life. She works to provide food for her family, to make sure that her children don't make the mistake she did. But what she thought was a mistake 5 years ago, is now the joy and center of her life. Her eyes shift again, this time to a couple standing against the marble wall on the side of a building. She watches the couple closley, her eyes grow sad. They are probably about 20, she guess's, and attractive. The girl stands with her back against the wall, he's standing in front of her, only a few inches away. They hold hands and look deeply into eachother's eyes. Nothing in the world seems to phase them, the sound of the the traffic and the world around them fade away. They are totally engrossed with eachother. In love obviously, the woman wraps her arms around his waist from the inside of his jacket, her head buried in his neck. The man resting his head on top of hers. He whispers something to her and Sydney wonders what it is, imagining when Vaughn used to do that. When it was in the middle of the night and they were sleeping, he used to wrap his arms around her and whisper small little things to her, sometimes they were "i love you's", sometimes he told her she was "beautiful" and "amazing". The smallest things meant the most to her, and those small things are what she missed the most. Wheather it was standing on a street corner with him trying to stay warm on a cold day, or watching him as he intently watched his favorite hockey team on tv, the passion in his face the whole time. It was hard to forget those things, becasue before you can forget you have to remember. The couple finally walked off, leaving Sydney staring at the spot they had been. She shook off her own saddness and stood up. She threw away her coffee and froze as she was about to step foot on the sidewalk. She bit her lip and walked back into Starbucks, emerging with a large coffee and two muffins. She stuffed the change in her pocket and walked down to the street corner. The veteran that no one seemed to notice was slummped againt the light pole, his head resting on the cool metal.  
  
"Excuse me." She said. She stepped to the side of him and he looked up at her. She smiled a full dimpled smile, for some reason Vaughn always told her that her smile would make anyone happy. She leaned down and set the coffee and two muffins in front of him. He looked at the food then back up at her. There was something in his eyes, question maybe. And at the moment those gray eyes regain some color.  
  
"Have a nice day, sir." She said. She smiled once more then walked across the street. When she got to the other end she looked back at the man, he had a slight smile on his face as he bit into the warm muffin. For the first time in months, maybe in her life, she felt good, she actually helped someone that had nothing. And it became a sort of daily ritual for her, and everyday she felt even better about herself, better than she has in a long time. Maybe the things Vaughn did for people had rubbed off on her, she wouldn't doubt it, she was in love. It was that simple and that complicated, she was in love.  
  
That day at work she was told the investigation by the CIA forensics team concluded that the fire in Vaughn's house was started intentionally. They found bullet shells in what used to be his house and they highly believed that there was a struggle. It was officaial. Michael Vaughn was murdered, and Sydney Bristow was going to end the life of whom ever it was who took him away from her, she had no mercy for the nameless person(s). When she found them, she would get revenge, not for her, but for him, her angel deserved atleast that much. Michael Vaughn was not going to just become another star on the marble wall, he was someone, he had a face, he had a soul, he was a saint. Peace? What of it? All she thought about was revenge, there was no Peace in her mind. 


	3. The Past and the Present

[Part III]  
  
"The Past and the Present"  
  
When she got home that same night, she started to think about that days events, she still felt good about what she did for the homeless man, she helped a man that couldn't help himself. A memory from a few months after her and Vaughn were together suddenly unburried itself. It was something she'd never seen, well, maybe, in the movies, but her life was far from the movies. Some of the saddest movie endings were nothing compaired to her life, it was true, she'd lost three men she loved. One she told the truth too, the other was an assassian that just suddenly reappered in her life, and her most recent was just taken from her, becasue...well she didn't why. But when she thought that Vaughn couldn't amaze her anymore, he did. It was a small situation, nothing dangerous about it. It showed her that there were still people that cared, still people that paid attention to the rest of the world and not just themselves. They were walking in the mall on a saturday morning, minding their own business, just walking and talking about the movie they were going to see that night, they were interupted by a short chinesse woman, cute really, maybe 40 or 50. She was in a panic, she told them her son had gotten away from her while she was standing in line and she couldn't find him. She pulled out a picture and asked them if they had seen her boy. Sydney looked at Vaughn as he studied it. He had told her no. She thanked them and started walking off, then Vaughn asked what his name was. The woman stopped and turned around, telling him Christopher. Vaughn offered to help, and when he had volunterred, Sydney had just stared at him. Could the man be any more compassionate? Seriously. She was starting to think Vaughn wasn't human, since she met him, she can't remember one time that he acted selfish, not once. She wondered if he ever even thought about himself. It puzzled her. So much so, that she had watched him sleep that night, just watching him for hours. She didn't understand, and maybe she never would.  
  
Sydney sat on her couch, a beer bottle sitting in front of her, half-full and half-empty. With her legs pulled up to her chest she thought, she thought hard, remembering all the times that he had done little things to help her. Vaughn would take a bullet for her, no doubt, he's the one that said it in the first place. He'd die for her, he'd live for her, and he'd always love her. What they shared was beyond the physical attraction, it was pure emotional, they knew what eachother was going to say before they said it, well most of the time. She wasn't exaclty expecting him to say "I love you" when he did, not that it was a bad thing. That's the one surpirse she didn't hate. What made her feel guilty is that she didn't say it back to him right away. It was actually a few days later, she knew that he knew, but it just feels better saying it, making sure that the other person really does know what you're feeling. They were lying in bed at night, completely in the dark, she didn't know if he was asleep or not, but she said it anyway.  
  
-Flashback-  
  
"I love you." Sydney said through the dark air around them. She heard his breathing stop for a second. Then she heard him move and then the lamp on the nightstand radiated light. He turned over and looked at her.  
  
"What?" He asked.  
  
-End Flashback-  
  
He had heard her, he was just surprised, she had surpirsed him just as he did her, and the look on his face was priceless, the look on his face was perminetly etteched into her mind, her memory, and her heart forever. Then again, for them, forever isn't long enough.  
  
-November 27th, 2003-  
  
After having Thanksgiving dinner with her father and her two best friends Sydney had retreated to her room for a bit while her father and Will awkwardly watched the football game together, and it was awkward, both men sitting on the couch silent, she didn't think Will was really sure of what to say, so he just kept quite, which was a good choice. She went to her dresser drawer and opened the third compartment. She took out Vaughn's black long-sleeved shirt that she had bought him one day while shopping, it was a very domestic experiance for her, one she had missed. She carried it over to the bed and sat down. If someone walked in on her they might have thought she was crazy. Crazy because she kept her dead boyfriends clothes 7 months after he died. Crazy because some nights when she missed him she would take a shirt of his and breath in his scent, as if afraid to forget it. Crazy, people may think she is, but they don't know half of it. Why doesn't someone take away the person they love the most and see how they deal. Then they'd know what it was like. The lonliness and the darkness that comsumes you. It's in every aspect of your life, you can't erase it. Sydney slipped on the shirt over her blouse and smooted it down. The sleeves were too long but she liked it that way, it added to the comfort. She slipped on her sandles and picked up her keys. She walked out in the living room to see Will and her father still watching the game. Will tried to make conversation, but failed miserabley. Sydney looked into the kitchen at Francie, who was washing dishes. Francie looked at her.  
  
"Hey girl, where you going?" Francie asked as she scrubbed the pot.  
  
"Just for a drive." She said. Francie nodded, she knew her friend better than that. Sydney started to walk away. Then in a soft voice, one that only Sydney could have heard, she said,  
  
"Tell him i said happy birthday." Francie said. Sydney froze for a second. Tears immeidiatley springing to her eyes, but she willed them away.  
  
"I'll be back." Sydney said. She didn't turn around, not once. She just walked out the door, no more words spoken. She jumped in her car, she didn't even know where she was going, but she ended up at the beach, the same one where she stood 7 months ago with the six other men beside her, not including the preist. At first she just watched the waves through her windsheild but she finally got enough strength in her to get out of the car, throwing her sandles on the passenger seat, she closed the door and walked barefoot into the soft brown sand. She went to the exact spot that she had stood the day of his funeral, and she looked out over the salty Pacific water. The sun was setting, the sky was illuminated with warm colors including purple, pink, orange and yellow, they all seemed to mix together to create the perfect sky before sunset. The only thing heard was the waves crahsing onto the the rocks. The ocean brezze pushing her hair out of her face. She sat down and began to talk.  
  
"Hi." She said softly.  
  
"Just got done eating Thanksgiving dinner, i thought i'd drop by. It's your birthday today." She said. She smiled slighty for a minute. But the smile soon turned into a frown as she tried to hold her tears back, she sobbed.  
  
"Vaughn, i miss you so much." She said.  
  
"Please come back to me, i can't live like this anymore." She said. She pulled her knees up to her chest.  
  
"Everything...everything is so hard now, i feel so empty, i'm so tired, i'm so lonley" She said.  
  
"Come back to me." She whispered, she barley heard herself. As she sat there, she couldn't help imagining what it would be like if he did hear her pleas, if, out of no where, he walked up to her on the beach and held her and told her he was there, and he was never leaving her alone again. That was a dream, and dreams are for fools, atleast that's what someone once told her. Maybe she was a fool, maybe she expected everything to work out for her. Was she niave to think that? She didn't know, but now a days she didn't know what she was, or who she was, or where she was. She was stuck in between the past and the present. Between two sepreate lives. 


End file.
